Happy V-Day

1. Breakfast in Bed – Hey, breakfast is the important meal of the day and I’m sure every woman could appreciate being surprised with breakfast. And if she’s hungry and you’re lucky well…..
2. A Picnic – Yes a carefully but thoughtful planned picnic can surely turn wonders. For those in more artic weather conditions have no fear. You can opt to stay inside and turn your living room into the perfect getaway. To quote Jason’s Lyric… “There is something magical about a picnic.”
3. A Personalized Poem or Song – Now use discretion here because while the effort can be great if you don’t sound anywhere near Trey Songz you may not want to go this route. V-day is not the time to be experimenting or trying to warm up those shower vocal chords.
4. Candlelit Dinner for Two – Candles and food always make for a great combination. While this is the old faithful, there is still nothing wrong with a romantic dinner at a restaurant (especially if it is her favorite cuisine). And if you’re ambitious and have skills in the kitchen why not opt to stay in and prepare that special meal. After all, sometimes staying inside has its benefits.
5. A Getaway to a Special Location – For the thrill seekers this is the ultimate V-day present. Why not whisk your baby away to a special location where they’ll need GPS to find her.

Well these are just a few suggestions….for you Don JuanDeMarcos out there hit us back with your ideas / suggestions for V-day. Any ladies if you have ideas for the guys…let us know too (we love to hear from you).

Happy Valentines’ Day Ladies

Will you marry me?

Well considering all this…this has me thinking: are marriage proposals dead these days? The following article on the frisky.com truly hit on this….
Are marriage proposals dead?
By Wendy Atterberry
(The Frisky) — On the season finale of “Entourage,” one of the characters, Eric, proposes to his girlfriend, Sloan, only it wasn’t a romantic get-down-on-one-knee proposal, so much as it was a seemingly spur-of-the-moment declaration of his commitment to her.
“You’re never going to be able to commit — not to anyone,” Sloan accuses during a heated argument. “I’ll get in that car right now, drive to Vegas, and commit to you for the rest of my life,” Eric shoots back before pulling an engagement ring out of his pocket.
It’s not exactly the kind of grand proposal women dream of, but I can’t help but wonder if it’s more than most of us get these days … and if maybe that’s OK.
Marriage is such a huge, life-altering decision, it’s only natural that it be a choice two people make together, after much discussion and personal soul-searching. And if the decision is made mutually, is there really any need for a proposal to be made — a question to be asked — for which both parties already know the answer?
For a lot of people, the answer is “no.” They make the decision, perhaps they go ring-shopping together (that way, the woman’s sure to get something she likes), they make the announcement to their friends and family, and then they change their relationship status on Facebook. Done and done.
For the rest of us, an official proposal — even if we’ve already decided with our partners to get hitched — is the act that seals the deal. For the record, I fall into this camp.
My now-husband and I first started seriously talking marriage a little over a year ago. We’d been together 2 ½ years, had lived together almost a year, felt committed to each other, and knew we wanted to start a family in the not-so-distant future. At some point, I think I made some comment about getting married in the summer when my parents, who live in Europe, would be in the States.
My boyfriend nodded and said that that sounded fine and I said, “This coming summer,” making sure to drive home the point. “But I want a proposal!” I told him, adding: “And I want it to be romantic. You don’t get off the hook that easily.” He laughed and said he’d do what he could.
When I was home for Christmas a few weeks later, my mother gave me the engagement ring she inherited from my great-grandmother who got married in 1928. I brought it home after the holidays, gave it to my boyfriend and said, “Here’s my engagement ring. I wear a size 5. Get it sized and give it back to me when you’re ready.”
In retrospect it sounds a little bossy, but remember, we’d already decided to get married, we both knew I wanted to wear my great-grandmother’s engagement ring, and I figured Drew, being the romantic guy that he is, would want a chance at taking some ownership in the process.
For my part, I’m not a traditionalist, but there was something about forgoing an official proposal that seemed incomplete to me. I never doubted my boyfriend’s love and commitment to me, nor his desire to be my husband, but knowing he had to put some thought into the “where, when and how” of asking for my hand in marriage made things more special for me.
Drew ended up proposing on a bridge in Central Park, a week after I gave him my great-grandmother’s ring. He lured me on a walk one cold February afternoon with a promise of a drink at my favorite fancy hotel bar afterward. As we crossed the bridge, Drew said, “Oh, what’s that?” as he pointed to the ground below. I peered over the edge and saw “Wendy, Will you marry me?” written in big sidewalk chalk.
I turned back around and Drew was on his knee, holding my ring. Time stood still (Drew would say it stood still for a very long time) and I said, “Yes! Yes!” We hugged and kissed and then went for that now-celebratory drink at the fancy hotel bar (Drew even surprised me with a room there for the night). It’s a memory I’ll always cherish and one I’m sure we’ll share with our kids and grandkids some day.
Would I feel any less married now if Drew hadn’t proposed? Of course not. But it was something that was important and meaningful to us. For others, I imagine, a proposal is an unnecessary formality that’s easy to forgo. What camp do you fall into? Is an official proposal something you feel you need? Do you want your man to ask for your father’s permission or blessing? Does he have to get down on one knee?

Let us know what you think…?

text only please

So while we’ve come a long way (no need for pen & paper), the question nowadays, though, is do you text or call? And let’s not even mention instant messenger or bbm for those of us who have blackberries… For most guys, traditional calling is a thing of the past. It’s like dial-up…been there, done that, but thank God we have high-speed baby! I’m talking about simple, quick, and efficient texting.

Let’s be honest it so beats calling on many fronts. I mean it’s not only faster but you can say what needs to be said and leave it at that. No need for the “how was your day” or “what do you think about that” conversations. In the fast-paced catch me if you can world we live in…who has time for those? It’s like come on…are you seriously trying to hold a conversation with me via the phone. You can’t be serious…my ears are starting to hurt. Besides we have to leave some topics for in-person. There’s nothing like that simple quick text…”trying to grab drinks or meet up?” It took only seven words to accomplish what would have taken perhaps thirty minutes had it been a phone call. And guess what…if she says “No”…you’re on to the next one without having expended any mental energy. And how many of us were really listening during those calls anyway…LOL. Okay I’m just being silly but seriously it’s like the advantage of texting over calling is a no-brainer. Yes, texting like all things can be abused (drunk texting, sending out the same text to different people, etc.) but by and large it has to be the best invention since sliced bread. So here’s my vote to texting….anything short would be so uncivilized. Now if you excuse me…I have to get back to texting.

We want more pre-nup...yeah

Unless you’ve been sleeping under a rock these past few days, I’m sure you’ve heard that Elin Woods is renegotiating the pre-nup with Tiger to get an immediate $5 mm payout from her husband and as much as $55 mm more to stay with him for two years. To be sure…this is a lot of loot. While Tiger was obviously wrong for stepping out on his wife, is Elin just as wrong for demanding more cash to stay with Tiger. What ever happened till death do us part? Yes, infidelity should not be tolerated and is a sin but where does it come in that one should be paid extra dollars just to stick by your man’s side. I have to admit that I think there’s a split here along gender lines. My female friends were like “get him girl”…that’s right get that paper, while my boyz were like you have to be kidding. The fellas just thought it was absurd that his wife would be asking for more money just to stay put, sign a non-disclosure agreement, and stick by Tiger’s side. Yes, they say Tiger was wrong, but come on…$55 mm—Elin is trippin’! Some even went as far to say that Tiger would be better off divorcing her—it would be cheaper barring any fallout from his public image. Some even quipped what’s the point of marriage these days? I’m wondering…what exactly is the $55 mm for? Ladies, if Tiger pays this money…does it make it permissible for him to continue to step out on his wife? Or is the $55 mm just payment for any humiliation and emotional pain that Elin may have suffered? Like some form of restitution. I mean if we hear reports that Tiger is wildin’ out in Vegas or South Beach for that matter with different women, are we going to say well he did pay $55 mm so what’s the big deal? Or in reality isn’t Elin just being a little too greedy here in forcing Tiger’s hands when he presumably needs her to be the loving, supportive, and caring bride he married a few years ago. After all, this appears to be pretty unprecedented…while some women do opt for the divorce after infidelity…others stand by those vows and say I’m sticking by my man. Now, however, it seems Elin may have flipped the script and raised the bar…it’s pay to play Tiger. (Hmm: I wonder if Tiger still plans on making use of his driver?)

Which begs my original question…isn’t Elin wrong for re-upping on the pre-nup?

Carrie & Mr. Big

I was channel surfing this weekend and in between college football and some NBA games…there he was: Mr. Big pursuing Carrie for the umpteenth time. Yes, ladies…guys do watch Sex and the City (as to why…that’s for another day / another time). But as I sat there watching, Mr. Big (who was married in this episode) resurrect himself into Carrie’s life (she was dating a new boyfriend), the question immediately popped into my mind: when it’s over…is it really over? I mean casting aside the fact that Mr. Big was married (I’m not one for infidelity nor cheating on any person) here was a man who still clearly had deep feelings and true love for a woman who for all intensive purposes had seemingly moved on. I mean Carrie had a new boyfriend and even took all measures in front of Mr. Big to profess it was over…finito…no mas but yet it clearly wasn’t. Yet and still, the more Mr. Big pursued the more he seemed to break down that barrier or wall that Carrie had erected. Maybe there was no wall to begin with and Carrie just couldn’t put up with a man who didn’t know what he wanted and so she moved on. Or maybe it was Mr. Big who after being apart from Carrie he realized what he couldn’t when he was with her: that he simply could not live without this woman. Well, as I sat watching, while I had a feeling I knew what would happen…I was still in disbelief it played out so well. Despite professing she was done and that he, Mr. Big, was crazy, Carrie listened to Mr. Big’s voice on her answering machine for like 5 times trying to discern was he still interested, why was he still calling me, what does he want? Perhaps she was just posturing for what she knew all along…that she was going to return his phone call because she had to. Maybe it was the unknown or her curiosity of wanting to know what was up with this man, but as all expected despite the sage advice of her girls she called him back and even met with him. They not only met at the hotel lobby, but Mr. Big followed her up to her room and after she tried to push him away the next thing you know they were kissing and then lying on the bed together…probably thinking their fate was inevitable. While this seemed so surreal and I was like come on you have to be kidding me, the more I started to ponder…when is it really over? Surely when the person you have been longing for or seemingly let get away walks down that aisle…that would be one indication. But absent such a wedding is it really ever over? I mean even in the Sex and the City movie, Mr. Big left Carrie stranded at the altar and he was able to win her back albeit it took time and effort. The point though is that in the end…he fought for her and I guess there was a part of her that still deep down loved this man. So was this just Hollywood or is it just that….it’s never really over?

5 Tips for Ladies

1. Stroke Your Man’s Ego – That’s right it sounds so simple but it’s so important. The key to men is to understand the male psyche. Every man wants a cheerleader NOT a competitor! If he wants competition he can play ball with his boyz. No it’s not about you versus him, so stop trying to outdo your man and focus instead on your team-building skills. So instead of trying to be Shaq while he is Kobe…how bout’ you get under that rim and grab a couple of rebounds for your boy.
2. Keep It Right / Keep It Tight – You remember how hot & sexy you were when you first met, well take it back to Day 1. Trust men are visual and we like looking at PYTs as in pretty young thangs, so yes get out that gym membership and focus on dropping those lbs (as in pounds). (Disclaimer baby exception –We all understand women put on weight during pregnancy and it takes time to get the weight off, but please don’t let things slip after you drop that 1st kid). So yes get out that Kanye West workout tape and keep it right / keep it tight. You’ll find you will not only feel better, but you’ll be healthier and your man will be so appreciative he will make it up to you in ways you can only imagine.
3. Let Your Man Be a Man – I hate to break it to you but men are men…it’s in our nature / genetic makeup. What does this mean? Just because we sneak a glance at that girl on the beach or in the mall does not mean we love you any less. So stop trippin’ and rippin’ your man every time you catch him. You know what will freak your man out…encourage him to look. That’s right, it’s healthy for men to notice other women (I’m not saying he will act on it…but hey would you rather him looking at a guy or a girl. Exactly) Also, let your guy have guys’ night out with the fellas every now and then. Why? Because occasionally every guy needs a night out where he can grab beers with his boyz, watch the game, and talk ish. If you deny your man this, trust he won’t be a happy camper.
4. Be Somewhat Domestic – Let me guess…you all heard the saying…the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Well if you are still reading this and you do not even know how to turn on an oven…girlfriend what are you waiting for. This stuff is not rocket science. Every man loves to eat so if you weren’t blessed with your grandmother’s cooking skills…I’m sure there is still ample time to take a cooking class or ask his mom’s to put you on. Yes, imagine how many bonus points you would get for not only learning how to cook your man’s favorite dishes but you also get a chance to ingratiate (SAT word—sorry it’s late Sunday night) yourself to his moms. OMG #4 is like a bonus tip – I not only just told you how to win him over, but also how to get close to his moms. Most men are entirely loyal to their mothers so if you get her on your team and can keep her there…you are golden because mom dukes will go to bat for you when there is a hiccup in your relationship.
5. Stop Listening to Your Girls – This one is so self-explanatory but let me just say in the words of CNBC stock guru and money man Jim Cramer please repeat after me—your girls:…They Know Nothing…They Know Nothing…They Know Nothing. Many of your single-minded girls have ruined their own relationships…you ever stopped to wonder why are you taking relationship advice from a single girlfriend. Hmmm…

Okay Ladies I can’t believe I just dropped this knowledge on you for free. It’s almost a violation of the Man-Code, but I think I get a pass since I’m trying to help salvage your relationship. Now if you’re still in denial or questioning what I just wrote…there’s no help for you honey. You’re what we men put in the “can’t help pile.”

The Yard That Was Not

So having just returned from DC (A.K.A. Chocolate City) for Howard University’s annual homecoming festivities, I have to admit that for me, at least, this year’s homecoming fell flat. I guess you could blame it on the rain…. It didn’t just rain but it felt like a monsoon outside with the wind and continuous down pours. Just as we were headed to the campus on Saturday for the game, battle of the bands at half-time, and catching up with friends and loved ones on the Yard, the rain picked up again. Yes, a brother did pack an umbrella, but trust it did not help in those conditions. So my boyz and I had to settle on heading to a local bar on U Street to watch other college games and shoot the breeze until heading to Park, the lounge, that night. Now don’t get me wrong…my boyz and I definitely got “it in” with 3 back-to-back nights of pre-gaming and partying. And yes I’m so glad I went to an HBCU…the women were beyond beautiful, drinks were flowing, and everyone was dancing and partaking in good but healthy flirtatious convo. Come on, it was homecoming after all. But wait did we really end up at a 21 & up party where the median age seemed like 23 and I was partying with my little sister’s friends. OMG. I digress…I digress.
Despite the parties, though, things did not seem right this year without seeing the Yard jam packed and the bands during halftime. Not to mention the fraternities and sororities and countless other social groups reuniting on the Yard. And of course we all remember when Jay-Z made a guest appearance that year and rocked the Yard. Not so this year. As the rain continued to come down, I could not help but thinking perhaps with all things this year: even the recession (via the rain) got a hold of Homecoming. It was as if someone had let all the air out of the balloon. I expected to see hundreds of my friends but instead probably only connected with 50. And yes as for those casual encounters…like the girl or boy you had a crush on but never stepped too during college but relished seeing during homecoming so you could at least try to see if something was there…well the rain put the kibosh on those encounters. So in the end I, like many others, were left with trying to salvage the weekend with night time revelry that while fun was devoid of that true HU homecoming experience. And so it was…as I headed to the airport on Sunday it was bright and sunny and I was left thinking as I’m sure many others were: what could have been had the rain only stopped. Well I guess for what it’s worth there is always next year…

Got Milk?

My friend Nicole, not one to hold her tongue, basically was like, “guys stop trippin’…we read the book and yes Steve Harvey was right—women should wait 90 days for the cookie.” Let’s just say my boyz started laughing and the girls were like, “tell it….tell it, girl.” Being the host and somewhat wanting to get a good discussion going, I couldn’t resist by asking my boy Ant (who is not only very outspoken but tends to be quite the ladies man) to shed his male perspective on this cookie theory.

Ant, not one to shy down, basically was like, “look…you females can listen to Steve if you want to, but the reality is that guys are getting cookies, always have been, and always will be regardless of your self-proclaimed 90 day theory.” Ant was like, “just call me the Cookie Monster.” Half the ladies were like, “come on Ant…you’re crazy, we all know you make guys wait 90 days because they respect you more.” The other half were like, “we do what we have to do to play the roll.” As Sharon said, “we’re good girls as she winked her eye and then started high-fiving her girls in the room.” Ant was like, “that’s funny…dating a girl for 90 days without sex is like a milkless cow. Yeah, yeah….I know your milk will be there in 90 days but guess what…while you’re trying to leave us thirsty there are plenty of cows that need milking. So please excuse me…I’m off to the dairy farm.” And with that, he LITERALLY left. The ladies were dumbfounded. He sent me a text later, saying that he met a young thing at the bar, and, indeed, quenched his thirst.

The conversation went back and forth that night but a question Ant asked continued to linger in my mind: “so during those 90 days when I can’t be a cookie monster with you, is it okay for me to snatch a couple of crumbs from someone else’s jar?” Hmmm…ladies, what say you?

We Want Pre-Nup…We Want Pre-Nup, Yeah.

Well this week’s blog is about that touchy but relevant subject of pre-nups.

In case you’ve missed it, Lamar Odom & Khloe Khardashian recently took their turn strolling down the aisle.  While these two are obviously in love with each other, that still did not stop Lamar from hiring a high-powered Beverly Hills lawyer to get that iron-clad pre-nup in order before signing those marriage documents.  Why? Well, this summer Lamar inked a four year deal worth a reported $33 million with the Lakers.    No small change and obviously God forbid this marriage is dissolved, Lamar plans on taking with him every last penny he brought into the marriage.    Is this brother wrong for doing this?  I mean marriage is a union between man and woman.  What yours is mine and what’s mine is yours. Right?

I’ve broached this subject with the fellas…and I have to tell you the ones that have already built up a sizeable nest egg see no qualms about asking wifey to sign that pre-nup. In fact, they already have those papers drawn…(LOL).  And of course some of my high rollin’ female friends are planning on doing the same thing with Pookey and Leroy….

So I guess I’m wondering…have pre-nups become the new standard when one person in the relationship is better off financially.  I know if someone asked me to sign a pre-nup, I’d be offended.  Don’t we love each other…why must we be bothered with such legal nuances…   As Black Eyed Peas once sang…Where is the Love?

So what do you think?  Do you see anything wrong with having your significant other sign those papers…or are you already belting out We Want Pre-Nup…We Want Pre-Nup, Yeah…Cuz She Ain’t Messin With No Broke Ni#$%!.