Why do men get so comfortable?
Are men just hunters
As a twenty-something young professional who is not so new to the Los Angeles dating scene, I have encountered my fair share of duds, nerds, players, pretty boys (you can’t be prettier than me, and I’m definitely a PYT), control freaks, weirdos and a sprinkle of really nice guys. Without fail, the men to whom I am fundamentally unattracted are those who regularly send me flowers, offer to run my errands, leave me sweet notes, call me constantly, and practically want to bring me home to momma despite my refusal to reciprocate. And, the guys I open myself up to without feigning disinterest for several weeks (or even months) get way too comfortable way too soon. They stop wanting to walk me to my car after a visit, are slow to commit to exclusivity, and wouldn’t consider bringing me chocolates or sending flowers unless it were Valentine’s Day. But, as soon as I move on, I can’t get them to leave me alone. Therefore, I am left with this question: Why must we women play the hard-to-get game for men to understand our value (think Steve Harvey’s 90-Day Rule) and keep in line? Is it some fundamental neolithic, hunter instinct that values the long sought after 8-pronged deer over the easily found field rabbit?
This entry was posted on November 30, 2009, 12:11 pm and is filed under Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through RSS 2.0.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Loading ...
#1 by Nikki on November 30, 2009 - 1:44 pm
Quote
I completly agree with Maya. I think it is human nature to want what you don’t have. That is why it is essential to be mindful to do things that will keep the relationship fresh. The moment couples stop doing the little things, such as the walking you to your car, is when your partner starts getting too comfortable and eventually bored.
I know, I’ve been married a LONG time.
#2 by Chrissy's Boo on November 30, 2009 - 2:25 pm
Quote
Maya hit the nail RIGHT on the head… it’s the same theory as when you are content with someone, random stragglers come out of the woodwork. Dating seems to no longer be synonymous with courting (which albeit is an all together lost art), once they feel that they have swooned us women over, all bets are off…
Either you men need to figure it out, or get caught in the friend zone, take your pick….
#3 by aye on November 30, 2009 - 3:31 pm
Quote
It’s easy dudes want what they cant have. If its easy they treat you like dirt but if they have to put forth some type of effort they dont want to lose what they have worked for. But the old saying one bad apple spoiles the whole bunch is true when a good person comes along women tend to believe that it is to good to be true and run them off or leave it alone.
I know from expirence i believe treat a girl like you would treat your mother, BUT i also would like to work for it knowing that i would not want to do all that work to lose her
#4 by aye on November 30, 2009 - 3:33 pm
Quote
if the guy is good he never stop doing things that makes her happy because as soon as shes not happy she will one look for some else that does or point out that she is unhappy and thats when the relationship goes down hill.
#5 by SingleSexy&Free(?) on November 30, 2009 - 3:59 pm
Quote
Dear Maya,
I find this phenomenon unfortunate. This “want what you can’t have” has narcissistic undertones sitting lightly above deeply insecure undercurrents. The woman in the 8th grade that wants that good looking athlete who all the other girls whisper about–the one who doesn’t give any of them even the slightest glance–is justified in her yearning. She’s at an age of frightful changes that spur insecurity. A natural reaction to that insecurity is to seek approval, and a self-doubting hunger for approval is likely to be desired from someone who is sure to not reciprocate. The girl in the 8th grade is sure she doesn’t deserve that boy, but his mere existence reminds her of what she desires and what she strives to become, and she masochistically fiends. When this behavior carries into her teens, again, it’s justified in that it comes at a terrifying age full of change, though the woman who is able to break through it in her teens is better off than the woman who remains stuck. The woman in her mid-twenties that remains “stuck” in that phase is in trouble, and the man who continues to chase the woman he can’t “get” is in trouble too. First, when people “play” hard-to-get, it’s still a game. The time will come when that person will need to take the mask off, and become vulnerable. When someone “is” hard to get, they’re just not interested. The woman in her twenties that is turning the “good” man away for the unavailable, disinterested piece of work is still searching for herself. She may come off as that confident, accomplished woman. Nonetheless, the insecure 8th grader within her is still very much alive and kicking. She subconsciously feels that there must be something wrong with the man who avails himself to her. Though I can rationalize it, I’m I may be stuck myself…
#6 by JustinCase on November 30, 2009 - 11:30 pm
Quote
First, the question posed by this post almost makes it seem as if men are the only ones who “get so comfortable”. Any man in a committed relationship can tell you that isn’t the case. And, married men will definitely exclaim why that soooo isn’t the case. Second, being comfortable with the one you’re with shouldn’t always be a bad thing…new shoes may look better, but which ones do you grab when you have to do a lot of walking? Comfort is how some people get away with gaining X pounds, start dressing down/other ways of letting themselves go, or reduction in sexual prowess without becoming an ex?
People don’t always want what they can’t have. They want what they believe they’re attracted to. How you attract someone is what you should expect to maintain to keep them attracted. If and when the object of one’s desire decides it’s time to “take the mask off”, all bets are off. If everyone would stop sending their representative out there to date and forgo the masks, they might receive uniform treatment. Every equation will have a different outcome if the variables keep changing on a time delay.