Something NewIn The Conversation, Hill Harper calls it “crossing the color line.”  Recently, a couple of my girlfriends have done it.  Some with a spirit of bitterness (“I am DONE with black men.  DONE! DONE! DONE!”)  and others just with openness and a sense of adventure (“I’ll take love in whatever package it comes”), they’ve put non-black men explicitly on the table as dating options, defying longstanding statistics.

Interestingly, their biggest challenge hasn’t come in the form of cultural differences, racially uncomfortable moments, or judgment from family and friends, but in the communication of attraction itself.  I keep hearing the same refrain: “It’s so hard to tell when a white guy is attracted to me.  I just can’t read them!”

These guys are chatting at parties all night, but not asking for phone numbers or even sending facebook friend requests.  When they do call, they’re making smalltalk instead of asking for dates.  When they do go on quasi-dates, they’re not making any physical moves or explicitly expressing interest.  This is a little underwhelming to women who are used to getting “Pretty smile!” and “Hey, beautiful” and “Dinner?” from approximately 45 black men per week.

As a result, I’ve observed that the Something New plan has often been pretty anticlimactic.

Everyone knows black women are waaaayy more committed to dating black men than any other group is to dating within their race.  The familiar refrain is that it’s because we love and are committed to black men and the black community, but could it really just be that we’re clueless when it comes to interpreting the more subtle ways other men express interest? Maybe someone could cash in teaching a Hitch-like course, but specifically focused on approaching black women? Or is there something else going on?

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